Delayed grief, when Arnold first disappeared and we didn't know what happened to him it was really hard to accept he was gone and easy to pretend he "could" show up at any second. Then when we knew he was dead we were in a mad run and really could not slow down to grieve it was easy. We just kept running here and there and it was in the back of our minds we could not dwell on the thought.
Now, things are slowly going back to normal and I am trying to go through and clean up my computer and I keep running into photos and the bestest kitty ever. My heart just hurts a little more as if it is the day we found out all over again. The other day the dog pack and I went out and we were coming back in and I accidentally called his name. Sometimes I still think I see him in the shadows outside because deep down I want him to come marching his indignant self back home like this hiatus was all my fault. I still close the door of the morning so he cannot escape before daylight. I still remember how snugly he felt when I picked him up and how he loved to head butt you. I am comforted that we had a great last day together. I can't bring myself to put up his bowl, although I did get rid of the food and cat treats and a few of his least favorite toys. I did wash up all his blankets so they would be fresh for him. I am waiting for the day I quit looking for him and quit being sad when I think about him!
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