The End of 2012

The end of 2012 has finally come and I am sure I should be reflective but I would really like to forget and move on but here we go........12 things I have learned it 2012.

1)  You can't help people but I will continue to try but will be alot pickier.

2) If I ever need to hide a body I know who I can count on to help me with no questions asked.

3) If you want to play the work game you have to play a social game. 

4)  I am not as tough as I used to be when it comes to pain

5)  Turning 40 is not pretty and turning 44 was even uglier.

6) I need a shower especially when I think I can't have one. 

7) I could enjoy being rich, I think I knew that, but it is confirmed.

8) When confronted I will fight not flight.  You would think I would have outgrown that with a more mature response.

9) I love musicals and saw Les Miserables twice, who knew.

10)  I enjoy marking things off my made up bucket list.  Movie on Christmas Day check.  Surfing in Hawaii, still on the list!

11)  Life is shorter than I imagined.

12)  Bring it on 2013

Week 43

Week 42 Flexing my muscles

Week 41 A Magical Time in A Magical Place

This was the best restaurant I have ever been to in the whole wide world!

Week 40 - The no picture Thanksgiving

I love my camera and I love taking pictures.  I do not love taking pictures of people who go above and beyond out of their way to not have their picture made.  So, I put up the camera and gave myself a break and did not take any pictures.  It is much less stressful for me.

What I wish I could explain is it is not about double chins, weight, or any list of excuses people have for fighting pictures.  It's about memories.  Remember the TG we all stood outside when it was 30 degrees.  No one will say look at my (fill in the blank).  Some days we will look back when someone had died and say, awwwwwww there is (fill in the blank), or look there is that tree that died and we used to climb.  I cannot tell you how many funerals we attend and we see a picture we took in that slide show, usually it is the only one in focus and taken at a special occasion. When that photo comes up we can talk about the event and our memory of the person.  The memory becomes even greater and more special and a way to help the living grief.  It is never about double chins, weight, saggy, baggy or suck it in but I seem to never be able to explain that to people. 

Week 39 Why I Vote

 

I agonized about my vote for awhile and the day of was more worrisome than I had anticipated. The election was more than Republican or Democrat and I was sick and tired of being called "Undecided."  I was never ever "Undecided"  I had "decided" long ago that I did not like either candidate.  I can see by the division of the country that most people agree with me they do not like either candidate.  I prayed something would happen to change my mind and make the decision clear. I felt so strongly that at one point I was going to write my name on the ballot and not a vote for President.  I decided I wanted to be part of the democratic process and appreciate the sacrifice of the men and women who have fought for this country.  As a woman, the opportunity to cast a ballot is a greater privilege.  Women have not been voting very long and still cannot vote in many countries.  It was difficult to punch that ballot but I didn't necessary vote for president I voted for the honor and privilege to safely say who I did or did not want to be in charge of my country.  I will not lie it was tough the lesser of two evils is still evil.  On the upside, I get to complain for the next for years!

 

 

 



Week 38 Family Reunion Time

This is my grandmother's family.  A smaller turn out than last year which I think is sad because every year when someone dies a little more family history and tradition is lost forever unless it is passed on.  I believe the tribe elders should pass that information along to the younger ones but they do not seem to be interested or they are not interested until it is too late. 

Week 37 30 Days of Thanksgiving

I would like to think I could eat 30 days of Thanksgiving because the food is that good.  Then I would need 30 days of naps! 

1- Husband

2 - 20 years of marriage. I would like so say it has all been great but that would be a lie so I will say it has overall been great and an adventure to say the least. 

3 - Friends, hands down, I have a few, select, awesome buds.  I would not ask hesitate if ask them to help me bury a body, bail me out of jail or wake up in jail beside me and say, "boy that was fun," next time we can do it and not get caught.  LOL

4 - It is Sunday so a good time to be thankful for Jesus dying on the cross that I might have life and have it more abundantly.

5 - The hide button on FB so I can hide the political ranting.

6 - I finally have the motivation to start working out. 

7 - A job I like believe it or not

8- Camera.  I love my camera there I said it and I don't care. 

9 - Yoga - my new love

10 - A successful surgery to remove that hideous thing on my neck I feel so much better!

11 - My office.  I love my office!

12 - Mac he is such a lug

13 - Crazy OCD CoCo

14 - Lance Armstrong McPherson aka Ditch Dog the 7 time all neighborhood Frisbee champ.  The other dogs think he is doping because he is so awesome but they're just jealous losers!

15 - Cheese my favorite vegetable. 

16 - Working from home.  I probably should not elaborate no one needs to know I do not shower and stay in my jammies

17 - This awesome weather for fall.

18 - Clean sheet day

19 - Formosa

20 - wood stove my house is oh so toasty

21 - new double window because the make the house even toastier

22 - I survived TG thanks to a 1/2 pain pill

23 - I love two days off

24 - Cheese my favorite vegetable

25 - naps!  I love naps

26 - filet'

27 - flowers

28 - mac and cheese

29 - wood stove

30 - air conditioning

Week 36 Porter Family

Really, I do not like shooting people pics.  Shooting people is tough no matter how great the people are to work with and these guys were awesome!  I always worry that I just will not be able to execute a good photo.  Somehow, I stuffed four people on this bench I made Mike buy at a yard sale and made it magic.  LOL  My how Miles has grown. It's odd to say the "Porter" since to me Marisa is still a itty bitty blonde haired blued eyes baby and now she is all grown up with her own cloned children!

 

Week 35 Fall Has Fell

Fall has fell! Literally, fell right off the trees.  Fall is here and as I predicted it would not be a spectacular fall but no one ever listens to me.  I said, the leaves are just falling off the trees they are not really turning any deep rich color but no one listened to me.  When it rained at just the right time and then we had a couple of windy days I said, this all came at a bad time the leaves are being beaten off the trees but no one listened.  Now the evidence is undeniable they are just turning loose from the trees.  The color from a distance is still beautiful and I had been watching this spot for awhile now and the morning I saw clouds and a little color in the sky and hoped in the car.  The light could not have been better but still not what I have hoped for in the light.

Week 34 Things I have Learned or Maybe Knew and Denied During Illness

1.  I can drink a beverage with more or less than 3 cubes of ice.  If someone brings it to me. 

2.  I did not die of boredom even though I was sure I would.

3.  I can sit though movie without falling asleep.  I proved that 3 times.

4.  I still enjoy surgery drugs.

5.  I am not as tough as used to be once the drugs wore off and they quit prescribing the good stuff,     I was over it.

6.  I am always doing something when I could not do anything I realized how much I do unknowingly. 

7.  You do not need a shower everyday, well may I do need a shower daily, but it is not a deal breaker. 

8.  A shower will improve your mood.  Enough said.

9.  If you sit in the recliner or bed long enough you will freeze in that position. 

10.  A shower will improve you mood. Really!

11.  Your family drama is way more tolerable under the influence of drugs.  I can see how people get hooked. 

12.  Maybe I don't "need" a shower every day but thinking I can't have one makes me "need" one!

13.  I am not good at "resting" physically or mentally.

14.  I have so many issues they started to wear me out.

15.  I really need to have the option to shower every day.

Week 33 Nashville Here I Come

For whatever reason, I had been so looking forward to Nashville since I first found out about it.  I felt if I could get out of town and get some distance even if only a couple hundred miles I could find myself again.  I could forget about family drama, work drama, personal drama and that is exactly what happened.  I didn't spend money at the nice mall, go to exotic museums or meet the famous people, that were alive.  I grabbed my camera and plotted my course for the nearest and dearest cemetery and thought about nothing but photography. If only for a few days I chose to forget and spend time thinking about good things. 

Since I had never been to this cemetery and I was not expecting it to be this great I decided to only photograph things I had never seen before.  This is one of the most moving and saddest monuments I have ever seen.  The expressions and movements of the children are so lifelike it was scarily touching.  This was on the stone below.
John Burch 09-03-1881 - 09-22-1886
Leslie Jr.  10-17-1885 - 01-09-1886
Maria Burch 12-12-1886 - 03-22-1887
The gardner asked, "who plucked these flower?" The answer was, "the master."  And the gardner held his peace.

Week 32 Keeping my Grove

I love my window.  OK, I love looking out my window, all year, I love looking at my window.  You just never know what you'll see.  Plus, I watch this tree all year long and admire how faithful the tree it to give me great pleasure in watching the leaves turn in the fall and and the buds form in the spring.  I consider it to be amazing! 

Week 31 - How Donna Got Her Groove Back

 

I have sort of been in funk, rut, stressed, depressed bottomless hole lately.  Not exactly sure why or what or if there really is a good reason.  I been there before on occasion, I know it is temporary and if  I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, in time it passes. This seemed a little longer a little darker and I think I loose sight of the good things, the positive things, the joy in life.  The bad things seem bigger and worse when in reality they're nothing but distractions from what is important.  When surrounded by great beauty it's hard not to snap out of it!  I love a good sunset and sitting there trying to figure out how many colors are in sky.  I don't have to answer the phones ringing, the texts flying, emails rolling and pings going on faster than I get get to them or deal with anyone else's drama.  Just stare and the sky and count the colors. 

Week 30 - Gone With The Wind

This is a double week on the same day post but since I'm always behind I'm counting it as two posts for two weeks.  It's my blog so I can do that you know.  Sometimes I eat junk food before and for dinner.  Being a grown up occasionally has it perks.   On this date 63 years ago a southern great, Margaret Mitchell, died after being hit by a cab while crossing the road.  She put the south on the map for something other than loosing the war.  She proved that even though we had accents we were intelligent.  Gone With The Wind may have happened by accident and in haste but it was a turning point for the south.  We had culture and intellect and were more than slavery.  When we knew better we did better. 

Week 29 - 35 years later

35 years ago the king of rock 'n' roll died.  I was 9 and think I remember the day.  I can't be sure since I've been acquainted with death from an early age.  They all run together when you are a little person.  I am sad today when I think about what he could've been, should've been but died far too soon but most people die before their time according to those left behind to deal with the loss. 

Week 29 Disney Magic

I hate Disney.  There I said, it!  I have a love/hate relationship with the happiest place on earth.  I feel like a junkie!  I can't live without some of the magic.  I crave it, but when I'm there the high is just not like it used to be in years past.  I mean you wait longer, shows are shorter, people are crazy and I miss Mr. Toad and I love Winnie the Pooh but really Pooh can be over done.  Give me Mr. Toad!  When I'm not there I want to be there, I dream about it, think about it, fantasise about, plan it.  Oh Disney, how I need your buzz!     

Week 28 Miles Elliott

The smoochiest baby ever!

Week 27 He's here

A much anticipated, planned, wanted and loved little boy has arrived.  Miles Elliott made his grand entrance into the world, 07/24/2012, 10:21 am weighing 7lbs 10ozs.  I can't wait to see him!

Week 26 My Happy Place

I think about this place more and more these days. Maybe I can pretend there is peace and tranquility in distance free from drama.  Even if all I can only go in my head....sometimes that is enough.

Week 25 Cemetery Travels

We had the unfortunate task of attending the funeral, of the brother, of a dear friend.  Oddly, his burial was in Whitwall, which was about 40-45 minutes away via Suck Creek Mountain.  What a coincidence he was going to be buried about 7-8 minutes from my grandmother (my dads mother).  So we stopped for a visit and I was so mad I forgot my flowers at home.  However, I wanted to pop in since I was in the neighborhood. When we first buried her in October 2010, we pulled into this driveway.  Since we were family we were close to the front of the funeral procession behind the hearse, I said, we are lost and they are just turning around, "do not follow them."  That was only a wish.  We were in the correct location. 

I took this photo today (I think I was to traumatized the last time) and the the first picture shows the house/driveway you pull into for the cemetery.  The next photo is the back of the house and the photo really does not do the cemetery justice since the graves are much closer to the house than the photo represents.  I can't really say anything nice about this cemetery.  It was mowed this time but has been heavily vandalized int he past and they had burned brush in the back corner.  I am sure my family is the only one tending any graves.  None of the other graves had any flowers, stones were toppled and it does not appear that any care is taken when mowing. 

My grandmother's parents and possibly grand parents are buried here along with her brothers.    She also buried her second husband at this cemetery.  Her first husband is buried at the National Cemetery, yes, the National Cemetery.  I assumed she would be interned with him, but nope, she wanted to be near her parents.   Sad, that in a few years and probably when her daughters and remaining sibling pass this cemetery will be lost forever. 

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Week 24 The Day I Declared My Independence

On July 4, 1776, America declared her Independence from England.  The founding fathers stepped up to the table, took the feather quill, and put their names on a piece of paper saying they were no longer British and would not be ruled by their mother country.  They would break their ties with all they had known and forever be recognized as Americans.  They knew it was treason to swear allegiance to another county.  They knew their was no going back once their names were inked on that great piece of Unites States of America paper known as the Declaration of Independence, that Thomas Jefferson worked so tirelessly to pen.  I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for these men, a range of emotions, I suppose.   They had fought long and hard to come up with a document to serve the greater good.  None agreed with everything on the paper, Ben Franklin, confessed there are several parts of the Constitution that he did not approve, but he came forward signed his name and the remaining hold outs followed with their signatures.  Down the road, their love of the new world would cost many their fortunes dying bankrupt and penniless.    War was not cheap for a newly formed nations and some gave all.  This July 4th I take time to remember their contribution and thank them for their sacrifice. 

I myself have declared my independence and broke from all I have known.  I know their will be consequences and maybe even war but it's a new day and and a new place in life and I look forward to it just like the founding fathers.   After all, it's for the greater good!

How rednecks have fun on July 4th.

Week 23 - Where I wish I Was

I have not forgotten about posting I have wanted to post I have them written in my head.  What I don't have is a picture.  I have not really done any shooting in a while.  I did get to go to a photography conference on Saturday and picked up a few tips.  The speaker was a real let down but I really love just being with other photographers.  Most of them are much better than I am but we all love to talk about our passion.  So, I thought I would dig and old photo and practice a little photoshop and dream.  I would really love to go back to Oakland but it is way too hot maybe in the fall. 

Oh, and on a sad note, we were cleaning up Mike office and a piece of paper had fallen behind the desk it looked like it had been shredded but a bad kitty. He liked to sneak in and amuse himself by shredding paper of all things. We still miss kiki!

Week 22 Monarail Monday

I have decided it is Monorail Monday.  No, I am not at the happiest place on earth although I could have been last week but had other commitments.  I am pretending today I am at the happiest place on earth.  I have a love hate relationship with Disney.  If I am there I hate it and if I am home I love it.  I love what it used to be and hate what it has lost.  The monorails run about every 10-15 minutes so you waste time standing and waiting or you happen to be at just the right spot at the right time which rarely happens to be but this time it worked. Thanks to photoshop I can remove the people and make it magical!

Week 21 - Oh How We Miss Arnold

Delayed grief, when Arnold first disappeared and we didn't know what happened to him it was really hard to accept he was gone and easy to pretend he "could" show up at any second.  Then when we knew he was dead we were in a mad run and really could not slow down to grieve it was easy.  We just kept running here and there and it was in the back of our minds we could not dwell on the thought. 

Now, things are slowly going back to normal and I am trying to go through and clean up my computer and I keep running into photos and the bestest kitty ever.  My heart just hurts a little more as if it is the day we found out all over again.  The other day the dog pack and I went out and we were coming back in and I accidentally called his name.  Sometimes I still think I see him in the shadows outside because deep down I want him to come marching his indignant self back home like this hiatus was all my fault.  I still close the door of the morning so he cannot escape before daylight.  I still remember how snugly he felt when I picked him up and how he loved to head butt you.  I am comforted that we had a great last day together.  I can't bring myself to put up his bowl, although I did get rid of the food and cat treats and a few of his least favorite toys.  I did wash up all his blankets so they would be fresh for him.  I am waiting for the day I quit looking for him and quit being sad when I think about him!

Week 20 - How I missed Memorial Day

Memorial Day, a day off from work (check), grilling (check), eating, homemade ice cream (check),  napping(check), working (check), snarking, snapping, ignoring, bickering, pretending, pouting, protesting(check),  (check), (check), (check), (check), (check), (check).   Typical holiday, but not the intended purpose of the holiday.

In my defense, I did an obligatory FB post to thank those who served and remember those in my family that had honored their country with their service and all this took less than 20 minutes but I spend the rest of the day immersed in other things, some I enjoyed, but most I did not, and I failed to remember the "Days" intended propose, thus, how I missed Memorial Day. 

Memorial  Day, used to be known as Decoration Day, it originated after the American Civil War to commemorate the Union soldiers who died in the Civil War. By the 20th century Memorial Day had been extended to honor all Americans who have died in all wars. It typically marks the start of the summer vacation season, while Labor Day marks its end (thanks wikipedia for the great info http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day)

In the past, it was a southern traditon for families to gathered at the grave of loved ones and remember, honor, clean up and plant flowers at the final resting place of loved ones that had died. We had a reunions at the graves of the the patriarchs and matriarchs of the family on the last Monday in May.  We gathered and shared fond memories of the dead, introduced the children and new comers to their ancestors and heritage and we renewed our relationships with the living.  However, we no longer honor the dead or the living for that matter and somewhere along the way we lost our heritage, culture,our tradition but more importantly we have lost something that sets us apart, our southerness.  We traded tradition for convenience and comfort.  It was hard to clean graves in rural hard to reach cemeteries in the summer heat.  Why take our nice cars up that muddy road.  We have lost our sense of community and of family.  We lost our sense of who we are and where we came from.  We have lost the appreciation for the struggle of those gone before us because life is so much easier now.  Somewhere along the way we forgot and do not care to be reminded. 

I am not sure what I will do with this realization now that I have it. I have until July 4th to see if I can process and decide if this is how I will continue. For now, with all my southerness, I honor my g-g-g grandfather, Miles P Penney, Company F. 6th TN Mounted Infantry, (1830-12/25/1877), a Union soldier.

Week 19 - Dude Look Behind You!

WOW! What an amazing time at Bear Trace!  I have fallen in love with the golf course.  Actually, I have fallen in love with driving the golf cart.  I have always loved driving anything with wheels, go carts, motorcycles, four-wheelers and now golf carts.  I love to drive and if something interests me I stop or slow down take a picture if not I keep driving.  I wave at the animals and notice things most would pass up without a thought.  No freeway traffic and I am not burning up any gas.  Really, how great is that?? The golf course is peaceful because everyone is quiet and concentrating on their game.  On this night, the weather was absolutely perfect and I mean perfect it was too hot and not too cold and no breeze was needed.  I just drive around and feel the wind in my hair and think about nothing absolutely nothing, well occasionally I think why wont this thing go faster but most of the time nothing.  Most of the people do not go to a golf course to do this but who cares what others do on the golf course.

Week 18 Memphis

Finally a little peace and quiet.  It rained a frog chocking pour down for the 4 of the 5 hour drive to Memphis, surprise.  We arrived around noon Memphis time and checked in and went to eat at Corky's BBQ.  I don't even like BBQ and thought it was awesome.  The banana pudding was the best thing I have ever tasted plus it had a little carmel drizzled on it.  I licked the bowl.  No kidding shamelessly licked the bowl. 

Then it was off to where else, Elmwood cemetery. I had to visit Shelby, why else does one go to Memphis?  I have to say, I do not enjoy Memphis at all.  I am not sure why but their seems some sort of bad vibe in Memphis sort of creeps me out. 

Not even the nasty phone calls because I accidentally left the alarm on or the traffic delay could ruin the trip.  That was all a piece of cake!

Week 17 - prom

I gotta make the prom rock!  Prom the day we all have waited and worked for. A dream come true.  It is an exciting day but the facts do not change, my cat is dead, my boss is leaving and I can shampoo sewer carpet at midnight. I can pull myself together put a smile on my face and make this magical, really it's just not about me I am surprised to learn.  All in all a perfect day, perfect hair, nails, toes, corsage, jewelry, date, make-up, spray tan, dinner, limo, pictures, shoes..........perfect just perfect, if my cat were not dead and my boss not leaving and carpet not soaked with sewer for me it would be perfect!   

  

You should shaved your arms BEFORE you put on the dress.  Just sayin'!

Toilet paper under the arms makes sure the deoderant does not get on the dress. 

Week 16 Awards Day

So, we run out of the house and make it to a great awards day.  We are exhausted to say the least and it is nearly 3 hours long.  Totally worth it for all the awards and scholarships.  We then ran to lunch and whatever else we need to do and I kept wanting to scream, hey, my cat is dead, my boss is leaving, I have soggy sewer carpet that needs to be dealt with ..........help me please!

Week 15 - Magic

Disney, finally!  Nice relaxing magic, I wish! After a strip search at the airport and jerk gate agent who insisted we check our bag we were on our way to Disney.  We finally arrive only to argue who gets the luggage at baggage claim and then rush to stand in the wrong rental car line for 30 minutes before we realize it.  Did I mention beverage service had to be stopped two rows in front of us for weather.  That's how we roll. 

You would think we could enjoy some much needed rest and relaxation but I don't think so, I need at least one call a day of why the kid would not get a class ring which we have been addressing since Christmas.  SHE DOES NOT WANT ONE!  Why am I getting this call, I wonder most everyday.  Just for fun the sewer decided to back up.  A little Drano did fix the problems.  However, everything was wet so let's run the washer and back it up again!  Really! 

At least it did not rain as predicted it was colder and required me to buy a sweat shirt.  I hate it when that happens!  It is never far from my mind that my kitty is never gonna hear me sing soft kitty for him again.  He really liked that song!

Home at midnight to squishy carpet and up at 7:00 for awards day.

Week 14 We miss you Arnold

Arnold is dead.  Really dead and we were devastated to say the least.  My neighbor approached me at the mailbox and told me she had some bad news.  They had found the remains of a cat that at the end of their garage about a week ago and felt it was our cat from the white feet.  Based on decomposition he had been there awhile.  All that could be identified was his white feet.  The were kind enough to bury him in a nice spot.  Nice, I mean really thanks I know that was not fun for them but he is my kitty and I could not stand the thought of him being buried somewhere else not matter how nice it was it not home.  I managed to talk DH into digging him up and moving him.  I know!  I know!   We are now officially out of the closet as "those neighbors."  I feel better knowing he is here where he belongs, judge me I don't care.

It was a wild day I am trying to make re-burial arrangement for the kitty then I pick up the kid and we have a major economics project before we fly out of town to Disney the next day.  Since that is not enough to deal with I miss a call from my boss which I quickly re-dial and I get the joyous news that he is leaving, the company! OK, my cat dead, huge econ project and start scrambling for my new position.  Pixie dust and rainbows is all I can see!

So, I really can't grieve for Arnold because I have to maintain some composer to pack and do this project.  I am familiar with delayed grief since I never get to say goodbye at funerals since my mother insists on diving in the casket or throwing herself in the floor.  Somehow that's really a distraction that I have to deal with. 

Week 13 - Top 10%

The Hamilton County School system honors the top 10% of seniors, very exciting! 

Week 12 - Hot -Lanta

Day 2 the Aquarium of chaos and the Coke museum. The are all place that I would never choose to go on my own but had a greeeeaaaaaaaaaattttt time!